


Snowed In

by Carlet



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Fluff, Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-12-24
Packaged: 2018-02-22 04:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2495123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Carlet/pseuds/Carlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"No you won't. You're stuck here just like we are." What happens when a massive blizzard traps the Charmings, Regina, Hook, Belle, and Gold together? Takes place immediately after the season 3 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: As usual, I own nothing.

Chapter 1

The first thing Emma did was invite him.

Well, no. Technically, the first thing she did that morning was stumble bleary eyed towards the chair where she'd haphazardly dumped her jacket, keys, wallet, and that offensively loud ringing phone in an exhausted heap before collapsing headfirst into bed last night after her little going back in time adventure a couple days ago. Or was it actually just yesterday since they'd arrived just several hours later in the same day they'd left even though they'd technically been gone for several days-

Yeah, just thinking about it gave her a headache, same as it had last night, and that damn phone was not helping anything.

"Hullo?"

"Emma!" Her mother's voice was so bright, so loud that Emma crinkled her nose and held it away from her ear in disgust. How the woman, who had a  _newborn_ , no less, was so awake at this ungodly hour was completely beyond her. "Did I wake you?"

She cleared her throat and tried not to sound like she'd just been run over by a truck. "No. Not really."

"Really? That's very unlike you." Mary Margaret teased.

Not to be rude or anything, but could the woman hurry up and get to the point so that Emma could go back to sleep?

"Did you need something?" Emma interrupted mid sentence, cutting off Mary Margaret's rant about how long it had taken baby Neal to fall asleep last night. (Really? Then why did she sound so alert?)

"Oh, yes, I was calling to see if you and Henry wanted to come over for breakfast. Or rather brunch, I guess, since I know that the moment I hang up the phone you'll fall right back into bed."

Damnit, the woman was good. "Sure." Emma agreed. "Will there be bacon?"

"I wouldn't have invited you otherwise."

After a few more words, or rather a few more moments while Emma listened to Mary Margaret chirp cheerfully, they hung up the phone. She briefly considered going back to sleep for a while but was unable to. Might as well get up.

As she was about to leave the room, she could hear Henry chattering excitedly to Killian; no doubt he'd been telling him all about one of his pirate adventures. Someday she was going to call his bluff and declare that there was no way all of his tales were true. Twenty foot waves? Please!

She couldn't exactly tell Henry about brunch and just leave Killian alone, could she? At the very least, she owed him a meal after the way he'd kept her from screwing things up (too badly) in the past. And now that they were sorta kinda something...well it wouldn't hurt to invite him over.

* * *

If there was one thing Gold was good at, it was long term planning.

It started with figuring out a way to get his son out of being drafted to the ogre wars. He'd planned and plotted and eventually succeeded. Of course, it came at a horrible price but he'd succeeded.

And then when he was figuring out a way to get his son back, he'd spent months carefully analyzing the blurry visions of the future, biding his time, training Regina with her magic, subtly pushing Snow and Charming together, all the while patiently keeping his eye on the prize.

When he was Zelena's prisoner, he'd known that eventually he'd be free, that he'd take his revenge. The entire time he'd sat in that musty cellar, he'd thought about nothing but his beloved Belle. How he'd wrap his arms around her the first chance he'd get, how he'd let her know just how important she was to him, and above all, how he'd finally do something he'd been wanting to do for centuries.

One thing he'd learned repeatedly was that time was precious, no matter how much of it you had. Every moment with Belle could be his last, so he would do everything it took to make sure that he didn't waste a single drop of it.

Which was why he was leading Belle out to his car the next morning. It was a bright, sunny morning, full of hope and promise. It was symbolism, representing the fresh start they'd have after the Zelena nightmare.

"Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise, dearie." He replied, a hint of glee in his voice, something that hadn't been present for so long. This was something he'd planned during his time as a prisoner. After everything was over, he'd take her to his cabin for their...honeymoon. It was such a strange term that people in this world used, but it described his intentions perfectly.

They drove for a while; the streets were fairly quiet. Not that Storybrooke had too many people. Or maybe it seemed emptier than usual because people were still scared of what would happen next.

"Are you ever going to tell me where we're going?" Belle persisted, dangling her hand out the open window, letting the breeze filter in.

"You'll find out when we get there."

"What about a hint?"

"Nope."

"Come on…" She lilted, running her hand up his arm. "Just a little hint?"

"No." He said, though less insistent this time.

A sudden gust of chilly wind swirled into the car, causing Belle to shiver. "That's odd. It was warm just a second ago." She tightened her jacket around her and rolled up the window.

Gold opened his mouth to reply but suddenly the car began swerving violently; he grabbed the wheel and swerved, eventually steadying the car.

"Are you all right?" He asked, turning to Belle.

She nodded, though she looked visibly shaken. "What was that?"

Gold glanced out the window. "What the-" He stepped out of the car and looked down at the pavement in confusion.

"Rumple," Belle began. "look." She pointed up at the sky.

What had been a bright, clear sky just minutes before was now filled with gray clothes, quickly filing in, hiding the sun that had been shining brightly. It was almost as if it was about to…

"Snow." Belle breathed, holding a hand out to catch a thick flake. "It's snowing."

Snowing was a bit of an understatement. It was more of a blizzard as snowflakes fell fast and furious, quickly blanketing the pavement.

"Where did the snow come from?" Belle looked up in amazement. "It was sunny just a moment ago!"

"I don't know, but I don't like the look of it. Snow doesn't just fall like this. It very well might be magic."

"Zelena's back?"

"I certainly hope not." He said. "Well, this put a damper on my plans."

"It's alright. We can just go to wherever you refuse to tell me another time."

Gold attempted to start the car, but it only traveled a few feet before coming to a stop. "Great." He sighed. "Looks like we're stuck."

The snow was coming down faster and faster; pretty soon they wouldn't be able to see the road in front of them. Without heat or any blankets, huddling in the car was not an option.

"We need to get to shelter."

But they were practically in the middle of nowhere. The only available option was…

"Mary Margaret's apartment." Belle said. "Aren't we near there?"

Oh, no. Anything but that. "Yes." He admitted after a moment. "I believe we are."

Before he could object, Belle had already opened her door. "Come on." She said, stepping out. The cold immediately hit her and she slid her hands into her pockets to warm them she noticed that Gold still sat in the car, she turned around. "What are you waiting for?"

"Belle…" He protested.

"Come on." She insisted. "I know you don't always get along with them, but like it or not they're family."

As Gold followed Belle through the thick snow, he secretly thought that he'd prefer to freeze to death than wait out the storm with the Charmings.

* * *

"Um, love?" Killian poked dubiously at the plate that Mary Margaret had set in front of him. "What is all this?"

"That," Emma started, sitting down in the seat next to him. "is one of the best meals known to mankind. It's called a grilled cheese."

Upon taking in the still skeptical expression on his face, she poked his arm playfully. "I can't believe it. Is the big bad Captain Hook scared?"

"I am not." He protested.

"Then what are you waiting for? Go on, try it. I promise you it's not poisonous."

"That's because Grandpa made it." Henry interjected loudly.

"Hey, I have eleven years worth of fake memories, many of which involve feeding  _you,_ kid. I remember that I made pretty good garlic bread. Do you ever remember being poisoned?"

"Only that time you tried to make brownies." He snickered.

"I remember this one time waking up in the middle of the night to something burning." Mary Margaret added. She was rocking Neal back and forth, attempting to get him to fall asleep. "It turned out it was your mother trying to make brownies."

"How could somebody mess up brownies from a mix?"

"Beats me, but it was just horrible. Stuck to the pan and completely ruined."

"What is the meaning of brownies? And mix?" Killian asked. The skepticism had been replaced by a mystified look.

"It's this dessert with chocolate...you know what? I'll just explain later."

"Better hope she doesn't try and make some for you." Henry said.

"I've battled many a creature, lad. I'm sure a botched up dish would not get the best of me."

"I'll beg to differ." David muttered, causing a round of chuckles to go around the room.

"You know what? You can all stuff it or I'm never sharing that garlic bread with you." She turned to Killian. "And you, eat your grilled cheese."

"Aye, Swan." He smirked, reaching down for it and taking a bite gingerly. "Not bad." He said approvingly.

"Told you. It's a lot better than that chimera crap  _I_ had to try."

"You're the only one who finds chimera disgusting. Back in the Enchanted Forest that was a staple, much like this fried cheese dish."

" _Grilled_ cheese." Emma corrected. "And it tastes even better if you dip it in this."

"Tomato soup? Now that I recognize."

Mary Margaret finally got Neal settled in his bassinet, curled up fast asleep. She was sitting down to eat when there was a rap on the door.

"Oh, that's probably my mom." Henry said as he jumped up to get the door. "I told her I'd spend the day with her and she said she'd pick me up here."

"Already? That's early." David commented.

"Well that's Regina for you. Always punctual." Mary Margaret added.

"If that's Regina then I'm going to go hide under my bed." Emma muttered.

"I'm sure she's not mad."

"If that's the Regina I'm familiar with, then you're right. She'll be furious."

The door swung open to reveal Regina, who stood in the entryway, her usual black coat wrapped tightly around her. When she caught sight of the Charmings and Hook sitting around the table, her already tight expression tightened further.

"Hi Mom." Henry said, letting her in.

She relaxed a little as she hugged him, but when her eyes landed on Emma they grew into small slits, reminiscent of the haughty expression she'd worn in the Enchanted Forest of the past.

"Would you like some soup, Regina?" Mary Margaret offered politely.

Regina shook her head. It seemed like the huge relationship strides they'd made in the past year had completely disappeared. "I should really be going. Ready Henry?"

Henry stuffed the remainder of his sandwich into his mouth and nodded. "Yup." But just as he was getting his jacket, there was the unmistakable sound of a cane thumping against wood.

"Oh, I don't think you'll be going anywhere for a while dearie."

Regina whipped around to see Belle and Gold making their way towards the open door. They were covered from head to toe with something white. Gold looked as though he'd rather be choking on poisoned apples, while Belle just looked cold, hugging her arms around herself as she huddled against Gold.

Regina rolled her eyes at the sight. "Oh? And why's that?"

"T-there's a blizzard outside." Belle answered. "We don't know why, but it just started snowing."

Emma raced to the window. "Holy crap." She whistled, confirming Belle's words. "It's completely white."

"Can we stay here for a while? Just until the storm clears? Our car is stuck and-"

"Oh, of course." Mary Margaret replied. "We have plenty of food too. Help yourself. Have some soup or something, you need to warm up.

As soon as the words left Mary Margaret's mouth, the smile that had been on Killian's face instantly slid off. Sure, he'd buried the hatchet with Gold, but that didn't mean he'd jump at the chance to spend quality time with his old enemy.

"Thanks." Belle beamed as she began to shake off her snow covered coat. "We really appreciate it."

She elbowed Gold, who sighed and said quickly, "Thank you Mary Margaret."

"No problem! The more the merrier." Mary Margaret turned to Regina. "I don't think you'll be able to get your car started either."

"I think I'll manage-"

"No, you won't." Gold cut in smoothly. He had the slightest hint of amusement on his face, though Regina had no idea why. He was going to suffer just as much as she was. "You're stuck here just like we are."

Although Mary Margaret still had a wide smile plastered on her face, Emma, David, Killian, Gold, and Regina looked as though they'd rather take their chances outside.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was Henry's idea to watch a movie.

Shortly after wet coats were hung up to dry over the bathtub and bowls of soup were passed around, an awkward silence descended over the apartment.

"Maybe I should go out and see if I can shovel a way out." Emma suggested, plunking her bowl down on the counter. As there weren't enough seats for everybody, she, Killian, and David were hovering awkwardly around the kitchen.

"Great idea!" David declared. "I'll go with you."

"As will I," Killian replied, already reaching for his leather coat.

"What a lovely idea." Gold said, already halfway out of his chair. "Wouldn't want to impose."

"Maybe if we're all lucky you'll get stuck outside." Regina muttered. "Wouldn't that be a shame."

"Why don't you do us all a favor and choke on your soup?" Emma snapped.

"Hang on." Mary Margaret cut in before World War III could erupt in her apartment. "There's no way anyone's going outside in that storm. And Rumplestiltskin, you're all welcome, really."

"That's what he's afraid of." Killian whispered to Emma.

More awkward silence.

"This soup is delicious." Belle said to Mary Margaret after a moment. "I must get the recipe."

"Um, actually it's from a can." Came the reply. "But I'll be happy to show you which one."

"Oh, of course." Regina cut in icily. "Because that's the only type of soup Ms. Swan is capable of making. But when it comes to ruining people's lives, well let's just say she's very talented at that."

"Hey, for your information I didn't even make the soup." Emma retorted. "Mary Margaret did. And I'll have you know that thanks to all of the fake memories I got from  _you_ , I'm actually a pretty good cook now."

"Not as good as I am."

"You know what-" Emma began, but a loud growl from the table caused her to stop mid sentence and look up.

"Why don't you wait your turn,  _pirate_?" Gold was glaring at Killian like he'd just committed a(nother) horrible crime.

Killian stood frozen, with his hand outstretched towards the pepper. On the other side of the table, Gold's hand was similarly extended.

True to his changed nature, he narrowed his eyes but grudgingly muttered, "My apologies, mate. Didn't mean to cut in."

"Are you sure about that? Sticking your hook where it doesn't belong seems to be a real habit of yours."

"Any more soup, anyone?" Mary Margaret asked loudly, pushing her chair back and standing up. "Anyone?"

"I'll take some!" Belle declared in an obvious attempt at detracting everybody from the tension.

Emma stomped over and picked up the pepper shaker. "That was over three hundred years ago." In a smooth motion, she dumped about half of it's contents into Gold's soup. "Here, that should be enough."

"That's too much." Gold complained.

Regina clucked her tongue disapprovingly and turned away in disgust. "It's nice to see you all acting your true ages."

"Well, we can't all be uptight stick in the muds."

Mary Margaret turned to David. "Help me." She hissed, her voice becoming panicky.

But David had a small grin curving around his face. "Why? This is pretty entertaining." He leaned back in his seat with his soup and continued to watch the drama unfold.

"David, seriously!"

He stuck out his tongue in a surprisingly childish gesture. "Make me."

"Now I know why you act like such a child." Regina said to Emma.

"Regina, stop. It wasn't her fault, she was only trying to save a life." Killian insisted.

"Stay out of it." Gold snapped, clearly only bothering to speak up because he wanted to get a rise out of Hook. On his other side, Belle was pulling on his arm, trying to get him to quiet but he was ignoring her.

Mary Margaret met Henry and Belle's eyes across the table; they were clearly her only allies, as they looked as worried as she did. Emma's hands were curled into fists while she and Regina glared darkly at each other. Gold and Killian were no better. The former gripped his cane while the latter looked about three seconds from lunging straight at the other with his hook outstretched.

"Hey, I have an idea!" Henry all but shouted, causing everyone to stop mid retort and look towards him. "Why don't we watch a movie?"

* * *

A little while later, both Belle and Henry had tears in their eyes, though for completely different reasons.

"In what way is this considered entertainment?" Gold quipped. He looked more like he was gearing up for a root canal rather than watching a silly family movie. "This is torture."

"Lighten up, Gold." Regina said from the armchair, which she'd claimed before anyone else could. It was one of the best chairs in the apartment and she apparently knew it. "This is supposed to be funny." As if to reaffirm her words, she snickered when Gaston pranced on the screen, bursting into song. "That's some eating disorder."

"What?" Mary Margaret asked.

"Listen." She paused while Gaston continued his song about eating the five dozen eggs every morning. "That's disgusting."

"I think the eggs are still raw, too. And in the shell." David added.

"And he's bragging about how he's  _so_ good at expectorating. Sounds more like bingeing and purging to me." Regina finished with a rather impressive eye roll. "Although that did add a certain touch of humor to this movie."

"Easy for you to say. You aren't portrayed as a loser who couldn't afford a simple shirt. That cape is an atrocity that should be burned. And a prince?" Gold continued, apparently oblivious to the dirty looks thrown at him as he interrupted the movie yet again. "Since when was I a prince? I am no prince."

"What's wrong with being a prince?" David cut in.

"Nothing, except for the fact that they are lazy and entitled."

"Hey-" David began.

"Oh, you can calm down. You weren't a real prince to begin with." Regina replied. "And shut it, Gold. Quit interrupting the movie."

"I'm sorry," Gold said, turning to Regina. "Are you actually enjoying this?"

"If by this you mean seeing you suffer, then yes absolutely." Regina said with an icy grin. "This is the most fun I've had in a while."

"That's just sad." Emma spoke up.

"I believe nobody asked for your opinion, Ms. Swan."

"Oh, everybody asks for my opinion."

Regina didn't reply, only rolled her eyes rather impressively and contorted her body so that she couldn't see the blonde any longer.

"What's so funny, Henry?" Mary Margaret asked as she noticed the tears of mirth that Henry was struggling yet completely failing to hide.

"Nothing," he said. "just the way all of you are analyzing it. It's just a movie."

"You'd be offended if your complete life story was entirely inaccurate, lad." Killian said. "From what I've gathered, this Disney has failed at capturing my true dashing nature."

"Oh, you have no idea." Emma muttered.

"You know, Mom," Henry started, turning around from his spot on the floor so that he could look at Regina. "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself because we're watching Snow White next."

Regina blinked. "Oh no we're not. I refuse."

"If you refuse, then we're not watching this atrocity any longer." Gold said.

"Oooh, the big bad Dark One can't handle a silly children's movie?" Hook taunted, causing David to snort loudly.

"You know, funny that you say that, actually." Emma said. "Because I think Henry has a copy of Peter Pan somewhere. It's about time you find out what a waxed mustache and perm  _really_ means."

"Oh, no. Anything but that." Killian said dramatically.

"Now it sounds like someone else is scared." Gold said dryly.

"I am not!" Killian declared. "That's it, love. Bring on this other Hook. I've traveled through portals and defeated scores of bloody beasts. I can surely handle an imposter."

"You may say imposter," Henry said, munching through a handful of popcorn. "but that is how everybody thinks of you."

"This movie is so inaccurate," Gold muttered, sounding absolutely annoyed. Onscreen, he was now watching his Disney alter-ego stare at the enchanted rose. "I do  _not_ remember that happening."

"But look!" Belle pointed excitedly at the screen. "It's our cup, Rumple. He has a name and everything."

"That may be true, but just look at me!" On the screen, the Beast was now roaring, destroying things.

"I don't know, looks a lot like you when you get mad." Killian said. "Don't you see the resemblance?"

"Do you really want to lose the other hand, pirate?" Gold hissed.

Killian half stood up as though he was about to take his chances and attack the older man, maybe, but then loud, dramatic music began playing, causing him to look up.

"Awwww." Belle crooned as she watched her onscreen alter-ego dance around with the Beast. "You know, that dress is incredibly accurate. They didn't get  _everything_ wrong."

"Just most things." Was all Gold said, but it was clear that even he was just the tiniest bit enchanted by the scene as he allowed Belle to rest her head on his shoulder and clutch his arm.

"No," Belle argued. "they got the library book part correct."

"That they did." He agreed. "But the rest of the movie leaves a lot to be desired."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoever can correctly guess the next movie they're going to watch will win a batch of cookies.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"See, if you kept your things a little neater he'd be able to find it." Regina said, her tone clipped as she gestured blithely to Henry, who was rifling through the vast movie collection Mary Margaret kept in the cabinet next to the TV. Before Emma and David moved in, that cabinet was nearly empty, filled with mainly rom-coms and classics. But now, it was practically overflowing with David and Emma's favorites slashers and thrillers; it seemed as though they had similar tastes in movies. Some of Henry's favorites had joined the collection as well, making the movie cabinet as unique the family it belonged to.

DVD's and videotapes (they had caused Emma to nearly choke when she first saw them. Her exact words had been, "Who still has tapes?") littered the ground as Henry attempted to find the Peter Pan DVD that he insisted had been in the cabinet.

"Don't be ridiculous, Regina. Snow White can't be messy, it's like against her DNA." Emma quipped.

"What does  _that_ have to do with anything?" Mary Margaret spoke up.

"If you saw the movie you'd understand."

"And anyway," Regina said. "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to your  _daughter._ Cuh-learly you don't have any sense of direction in your life, otherwise your things wouldn't be in such ridiculous messes and you'd have enough sense to know not to go bringing somebody back from the past."

"Criticize me all you want, but it's not my fault you had to kill so many people."

"Any luck on finding that movie?" David called from the kitchen, where he'd been in the midst of preparing a fresh pot of coffee.

"No," Henry answered. "but I did find this." He held up a battered copy of Alice in Wonderland. "Why don't we watch this instead?"

"Wonderful idea!" Killian all but exclaimed.

Emma eyed him suspiciously. "You just don't want to watch Peter Pan."

"Coward." Gold muttered under his breath.

"That's rather ironic, wouldn't you say?" Killian said dryly. "And anyway, you should know better than anyone what a true coward is like."

Before World War III could erupt (again), Henry hurriedly popped the DVD in and slid back into his seat. "Shhh, everyone. The movie's about to start."

Not quite an hour later, the complaints started again; however this time they were a lot less more whiny and a lot more light hearted than last time.

"That looks nothing like the Mad Hatter." Regina said as the iconic cartoon character came onto the screen.

"For once, I agree with Regina." Emma replied. "I don't remember seeing any white hair. Come to think of it, he didn't wear that ridiculous green hat either."

It was funny. When she saw this movie as a kid, all she'd focused on was Alice's great adventure, relating to the blond character that reminded her so much of herself. She'd wished so badly that she could've run away to Wonderland, because no matter how awful things were there, they in no way matched up to her lonely nights as an unloved foster child. But now, seeing this movie after having met several of the characters in real life...well now all she could think about was how inaccurately everyone was portrayed.

"Of course," Regina said with an eye roll. "because I'm right."

"You've met this Mad Hatter, love?" Killian asked Emma.

"Well, when I met him he was going by Jefferson, but yes I guess I have. And you never forget a guy who holds a gun to your head and forces you to make a hat."

Instantly, Killian looked enraged. "Where does this Hatter live?" He looked wildly around the room, brandishing his hook as though he was going to charge up and stab him.

"Easy, pirate. Mary Margaret took care of him just fine." Emma smiled at the memory of a supposedly gentle Snow White kicking the Hatter out the window of his mansion. "Who knew Snow White could be so badass?"

"Um, everyone?" Mary Margaret spoke up.

"Everyone in the Enchanted Forest maybe, but not the general public. According to Disney..." Emma stopped. "You know what? I'll just you find out for yourself."

"That much tea cannot be healthy." David frowned at the screen.

"I know, that's a lot of caffeine." Belle replied.

"No wonder they're so crazy."

"Maybe if they actually ate something every once in a while they wouldn't be that way."

Gold squinted at the image, obviously confused. "Why do they play with their food in such a manner?"

Beside Regina, Henry was once again dying of laughter. "Stop it, guys! It's just a movie!"

"Stop what, lad?" Killian asked.

"Stop analyzing it. It's a kid's movie, it's not supposed to make sense."

"But it's beyond ridicule!" Killian argued. "Look at that, this Alice is a bloody fool! She's letting food tell her what to do. Eat me, drink me-she'd probably light herself on fire if a cake told her to."

"How can children stand to watch this nonsense?" Gold said. "First my horribly wrong portrayal and now this?" He scoffed. "This realm continues to make no sense to me."

He was clearly about to make another comment when suddenly the Queen of Hearts came on screen, causing Killian to spit out a large mouthful of coffee while Gold and Regina's jaws hit the ground with audible thumps.

"Is that…"

"No way."

"I believe that's the Queen of Hearts." Gold stared at the screen in amazement.

"That looks  _nothing_ like my mother." Regina's face was aghast, disdain dripping from her words.

"I don't know, looks about right to me." Emma quipped, earning a glare from Regina.

"Oh, you would know, considering all of the quality time  _you_ spent with  _my_ mother."

They stared as the iconic Queen of Hearts pranced around, playing croquet on screen. "That woman is horribly obese."

"She should really take up a more active sport." Gold added.

"And that dress does nothing for her figure. My mother may be cruel and misguided, but at least she had the decency to dress like the royal she was." Regina watched with uncharacteristically wide eyes as the Queen of Hearts on screen grew more and more red faced. "That does seem to remind me of her when she got angry, however."

"No, she was more about pulling out hearts." Killian said. "Preferred direct action."

Gold raised his mug of coffee. "Agreed."

"I can't believe you guys have never seen this movies before." Henry said. "They've been around for a long time."

"Well, it's not like we missed much." David pointed out. Several murmurs of agreement filled the room.

"Honestly, I don't understand why so many kids enjoy this."

"You guys are just biased." And then a smirk began to cross Henry's face, his eyes filling with mischief and humor. "Just wait till we go to Disneyland…"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the funny movie critique parts from a Cosmo article


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

When it came to Netflix, the group was deeply divided.

Emma and Henry loved it. To them, it was something that they just couldn't live without, like hot chocolate or grilled cheese. It was as necessary as air. Where else would they catch reruns of Scandal or Orphan Black?

Mary Margaret and Regina fell somewhere in the camp of "we know what it is, but don't feel that it's that important.". It was something that they felt only "younger people" needed, which Emma found hysterical because Mary Margaret was only several older than her. (But maturity wise, she was more like forty years older).

David had heard of Netflix, but had never really experienced its joys. When you had someone like Mary Margaret for a wife, who insisted on only buying food from the organic aisles (she'd been called a killjoy by her husband and daughter on more than one occasion), Netflix was not something he was very familiar with.

Of course, Belle, Gold, and Killian had no idea what it was.

"Let's just call it one of best forms of magic in this world." Emma said as she fiddled with her phone, attempting to connect it to the TV.

"As opposed to all of this?" Killian gestured around the room, pointing to the microwave, dishwasher, DVD player, and space heater.

"Yes." She frowned at the cables in her hand. "Damn, we should really get you guys a new TV. Or maybe I'll just move the one from my apartment in New York over."

"What's wrong with the TV?" Mary Margaret asked, sounding mildly offended.

"Nothing, except for the fact that it's as old as dirt." She sat back and smiled triumphantly. "Ah, got it!" Emma's Netflix suggestions page filtered on screen.

"You sure watch a lot of shows." Mary Margaret commented. "What's Orange is the New Black?"

"Just a show about people in jail. And if you think I watch a lot, you should see Henry's. I should really make him pay for his half."

"Of course she'd watch that." Regina said with a sneer. "That's right up her alley."

"Hey, Regina." Emma fired back. "Look, it's a movie about you." On screen, there was a picture of an angry Godzilla.

"Looks more like you." Regina rolled in her eyes in response. "See, I can see the resemblance right here.

"Funny."

"What're you looking for, love?" Killian asked.

"This." She clicked on something, causing a loud groan to escape from Killian's lips.

"Peter Pan." He deadpanned. "Really?"

She sent him a wry grin. "Just because I found the DVD doesn't mean you got off easy."

"Well, I for one would love to see it." Gold cut in. "Watching our dear captain squirm is something I've been looking forward to."

"I wouldn't be smiling for long if I were you." Henry muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Gold asked.

"Nothing." Henry said innocently. "You'll find out soon enough." He added quietly.

And squirm he did.

It started out small. As the Darling children talked on screen, Killian's eyes darted from corner to corner of the room.

"You know, I should really go and see if the snow has stopped."

Emma stopped him with a hand to his shoulder. "You're going nowhere."

"Why do you look so nervous?" David asked. "You haven't even seen yourself yet."

"Because," Killian explained. "if the other movie made such a fool of the bloody Dark One then there's no way this one is much better."

"You never know." Henry spoke up, though he knew the truth of course.

"That's right." Regina commented. "It could be worse."

And then a little while later, the first complaint was heard. Rather loudly too. "Bloody hell!" He shouted. "Is that...me?"

"Yup!" Henry replied cheerfully.

"What's the matter, Captain?" Emma teased. "Can't handle it?"

"Oh, no, that I can." He fired back automatically, but there was no denying the disbelief on his face as his Disney counterpart strutted across the boat on screen.

"You sure don't look like it."

"Believe me. I've dealt with some of the worst creatures in all the realms. I can handle this." A vein in his forehead pulsed and his fists clenched and unclenched, but he started resolutely at the screen.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me." Killian interjected as Smee came on screen. "You're telling me that they got Smee of all people right but not me? They completely missed my devilishly handsome looks. He looks nothing like me!"

"Shush!" Regina snapped. "I'm enjoying the movie!"

Killian continued rambling as if he hadn't heard her. "Look at him! He looks like a bloody fool! I refuse to believe this. What kind of sorcery is this?"

"That's you all right." Henry said.

"Waxed mustache, perm, and all." Emma added.

"So that's what you meant." Killian mused. "And here I was thinking it was a good thing. But that's not me. No bloody way."

"Believe it, buddy." Regina said. "Now are you going to be quiet so that I can enjoy this?"

He seemed to calm down as the screen cut away from Captain Hook, but he tensed right away as Peter Pan came on screen. Except this time he wasn't the only one.

"That looks nothing like my father." Gold muttered darkly.

"Calm down." Belle said comfortingly, running a hand down his arm. "It's just a movie."

"Well of course you feel that way. Your onscreen self looked exactly like you." Regina pointed out rather unhelpfully. "Give or take a few pounds." She added snidely.

True to her Disney princess nature, Belle shrugged off the insult.

"But look at that." Regina continued. "They completely butchered Rumple's father. I completely understand why, of course. The real one was a nightmare."

"I can't believe I used to have a crush on him." Emma added. "Used to wish he'd come and whisk me away to Neverland. Of course, that was before I found out he was completely psycho."

"LOOK AT THAT RED COAT!" Killian shouted. "Just look at it! It's a travesty." He shot a glance at Emma, whose body was wracked with laughter. "Oh, well I'm glad you think this is so amusing." He quipped sarcastically. "A CODFISH? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!"

"Lighten up." Regina drawled from her spot in the armchair, where she hadn't moved for hours. "It's just a movie."

"Oh, of course you can say that. I bet you look amazing in your movie."

"As a matter of fact, I do." Regina said, punctuating her statement with a flip of her hair. "I always look amazing."

"But a crocodile?! A crocodile? I was not afraid of a crocodile!"

"Actually, you were." Gold spoke up with a touch of amusement. But he looked rather affronted as well. "I can't believe they portrayed me as a crocodile. That is just ridiculous. I am the most powerful sorcerer in all the lands, and they've reduced me to a barbaric creature and a reptile."

"Who made this monstrosity?" Killian said. "I will tear him limb from limb."

"Good luck with that." Henry snorted. "Pretty sure he's dead by now."

"I believe he's called Disney." Belle spoke up. "And by that, I mean a group of people who have nothing better to do than botch up our stories."

"Dead or not, he must have descendants. I will find them and let them feel the wrath of the Dark One." Gold declared.

"Right there with you, mate." Killian raised his mug in acknowledgement.

"Myself as well." Regina agreed. "My mother's horrible portrayal must be avenged."

Henry and Emma exchanged a glance; the thought of Rumple and Regina with their fireballs and Killian brandishing his hook and a sharp sword just showing up to an office full of movie writers was just too hilarious.

It occurred to her, as Killian continued to complain (loudly), causing Regina to call him a big baby, that this day hadn't been all bad.

At the very least, given their history, it could've been much, much worse.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Upon first thought,  _The Little Mermaid_ was probably  _the_ only movie that wouldn't offend anybody.

Actually, that wasn't quite true, as there were plenty of non Disney movies that would've worked. But, well, going along with their Disney movie marathon,  _The Little Mermaid_ seemed like the perfect choice.

And it was. To a certain extent.

Ariel and Flounder were swimming as fast as they could from the shark; when Emma first watched this as a kid, she'd thought that this was the most intense thing she'd ever seen. Now, of course it was like nothing.

Not for Killian, though. She snuck a look over at her supposedly fearless pirate and was surprised to find that his fist was clenched as his eyes were glued to the screen.

"You do know that they get away, right?" Henry spoke up. It seemed as though she hadn't been the only one to notice Killian's tense demeanor.

"Well thanks for giving it away." Gold muttered, looking thoroughly disgruntled.

Killian appeared to deflate with relief. "Bloody hell."

"Please tell me  _you_ didn't believe they were going to die." Regina snapped. "Seriously, Rumple, I think you're growing soft."

"I knew all along they were going to live." Gold corrected.

"Then why did you look like your eyes were bugging out?"

Gold rolled his eyes and ignored her.

"What kind of movie would it be if the main character died in the first fifteen minutes?" Emma chided. "You can lighten up, Killian. This isn't a thriller."

He scratched the back of his ear. "Whatever do you mean by that?"

Emma shot him an amused smile. "You looked as though you were going to pop a vein from holding your breath."

Killian chuckled nervously and looked away. "Hush, lass. This is a good part."

"How would you know?" Emma muttered.

Onscreen, Sebastian was now leading the rest of his buddies in a song. " _Under the sea, darlings it's better down where it's wetter take it from me."_

"This is Mom's favorite song." Henry announced. "She always insists on playing it in the car."

"Really?" Mary Margaret grinned like she'd just discovered the cure for cancer. "That's adorable!"

"Well, yeah. It's a pretty good song."

"Wow." Regina drawled. "If you like it so much why don't you marry it? Or better yet, why don't you go live  _Under the Sea_?"

"Ooohh, the old why don't you marry it comeback." Emma said sarcastically. "How creative."

"Better than anything you could've come up with."

"How unrealistic are all these talking fishes and sea creatures?" Killian said as he squinted at the screen.

"Hey, no talking during Under the Sea!"

"But really though." Gold added, completely ignoring the glare Emma sent his way. "In my 300 years I have never encountered a talking crustacean. There were many a strange creatures back in our land but never something as astounding as this."

"Not just that," Belle said. "why do all of these movies include singing?"

"Because that's the way Disney movies are." Henry explained patiently.

"But why though?" Mary Margaret persisted. "Do they think that everyone can sing?"

"Not everyone." Emma corrected. "Just Disney princesses."

"And what exactly would a Disney princess be?"

"You know...typically a young woman who's oppressed in some way and has to find true love."

"You forgot unrealistic looking." Regina said. "Look at the size of that waist. Nobody is that tiny."

"But why do they have to sing? What does singing have to do with anything?"

"I surmise that whoever wrote these bloody things believed that singing would be a welcome addition." Killian said thoughtfully.

"It is, though." Emma responded "Don't you all just like these songs?"

"No." Regina said. "Nice taste in music you got there."

"Wait." Mary Margaret said. "I'm supposedly a Disney princess right? But I can't sing."

"Neither can I." Belle said.

"Oh, would you give it a rest?" Henry said. "You're all missing the movie."

They winced as Eric's ship tossed and turned in the violent waves. All except for Killian, who snickered.

"What's so funny?"

"He's a bloody fool." Killian gestured wildly at the screen. "Placing his faith in that shoddy piece of craftsmanship. If it was  _my_ ship, it wouldn't have capsized quite that easily. I've outrun many a storm. This man calls himself a captain?" He snorted. "Inexperienced fool."

Regina rolled her eyes so loudly everyone could hear it. "I'm sure your ship was amazing and all that, but water can destroy anything. As can fire."

"Well of course you would say that." Emma quipped. "Seeing as that's your go to defense mechanism. Besides snarking people to death."

"I have to agree with Regina there." Gold said. "Fire is more powerful than wood."

"No, I'm positive the Jolly would've been able to withstand a silly little fire."

Gold's eyes gleamed maliciously. "You won't think it's so silly when I set your head on fire."

"And besides," Regina added. "I seem to remember a storm in Neverland you couldn't outrun."

"That's because it wasn't a storm!" Killian protested. "It was brought on by the mermaid that  _you_ turned to wood."

"At least I did something. That's more than the rest of you can say."

"Nuh uh." Emma cut in. "You and the rest of them were too busy arguing to notice that you were just making the storm worse. If it wasn't for me-"

"Oh, yes." Regina interrupted. "Nearly getting yourself killed was oh so helpful."

"She has a point there." David spoke up. "That was stupid and completely uncalled for."

"Really." Emma scoffed. "Because if I remember correctly, if I hadn't jumped overboard you wouldn't have stopped arguing and we all would've died."

"No we wouldn't." Killian argued. "Because I would've eventually been able to outrun the storm."

Emma threw a pillow at him and the big, silly grin that had crossed his face.

Henry watched all of them with an amused expression. "How come no one ever told me about this?"

"Because we were all a little busy." David reminded him. "Neverland was no picnic."

"Oh, no it wasn't." Killian agreed.

"Hey!" Mary Margaret spoke up suddenly. "Where am I in this movie?"

Regina just scoffed. "You know, not everything's about you  _Snow."_

"But I remember being with Ariel and helping her go to the ball."

"Haven't you learned by now? These movies are completely inaccurate." Regina reminded her. "Except for my parts, of course. They're perfect."

"Um, actually I'm not too sure about that." Mary Margaret said. "Look at the screen, Regina."

The queen did so, and her jaw hit the ground with an audible clunk, her eyes expanding to comically large proportions.

"Remember when you impersonated Ursula?" Mary Margaret started. "Well…"

Regina was silent, her eyes trained on the TV as the sea creature pranced about and talked to herself. "I…"

"Now, it's alright." Belle said kindly. "We've all been portrayed rather inaccurately. I'm sure whoever wrote these movies did not mean to offend us."

"Who said I was offended?" Regina said. "Look at me. I look amazing!"

"Really, dearie?" Gold's voice practically dripped with surprise. "I think you should revise what amazing looks like."

"Agreed." David said.

"Oh, shut it." Regina said harshly. "It's not like either of you know any better, judging by," She gestured blithely around the room.

"Hey!" Mary Margaret and Belle said at the same time.

"She's as obese as the Queen of Hearts." Killian pointed out. "And what is she eating?"

"That's a good question." David said, looking vaguely horrified as Ursula placed one of those shriveled shrimp things into her mouth. "Those cannot be good for your health."

"And her lack of clothing does nothing for her figure. At the very least she should try something looser to accentuate her pear shape." Gold said quietly, causing everyone to throw him curious looks.

"Since when did you know so much about fashion?" Emma asked.

"I'm the Dark One. I know all."

Regina grinned and nodded approvingly as Ursula applied her version of lipstick. "Nice shade. A little dark for your skin tone but it works. And your hair. How  _did_ you get it like that? Took me several hours."

"You do know that's not the real Ursula, right?" Gold said. "And neither are you."

"Of course I do. Now shut up."

"Mom, it's just a movie." Henry reminded her.

"I know. But it's not everyday you see your amazing self onscreen."

"But in this movie Ursula is a villain."

"Villain is an objective term." Regina argued.

The movie went on, and Ariel met Eric, going with him with him to his castle. They watched and winced as Sebastian was nearly chopped to death and laughed as he was scrubbed along with the dirty laundry.

Regina yawned. "Where am I in this movie?"

"Not everything's about you Regina." Mary Margaret said triumphantly, beaming as though someone had just announced that she'd won a prize.

"Very creative."

Belle started to tear up at Sebastian's "Kiss the Girl". "Aww, look at that! They're serenading them!" She looked up at Gold as though expecting him to be as misty eyed as she was but he just rolled his eyes.

"How incredibly unrealistic."

"But it's so sweet!" Mary Margaret crooned.

"And nauseating." Regina added. She cackled wildly as Ursula crawled across the deck and grabbed Ariel. "A little on the rough side but I like her style."

But then Ursula was punctured. "Noooo!" Regina cried. "Ursula! Someone that powerful should not be defeated so easily."

"Well, believe it dearie."

"At least I'm not a crocodile." Regina snapped.

"Better to be a crocodile than a sea witch."

"Absolutely not. At least I can do something other than chase after a disgusting pirate."

"Hey!" Killian spoke up. "I take offense at that."

Regina and Gold ignored him. "At least I wasn't punctured by an inexperienced sailor."

"Well at least my father wasn't Peter Pan."

"Yes, because  _your_ father was so much better. Letting Cora walk all over him."

"Don't you dare speak about my father that way!"

"And what are you going to do about that, dearie?"

David and Emma exchanged a glance. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that he and Regina were an old married couple."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

As soon as the credits to The Little Mermaid finished, Mary Margaret made the mistake of asking, "So what movie does everyone want to watch next? I think I speak for everyone when I say that we've had enough of Disney for one day."

She probably should've known that given the diverse group of people in the room, the choices would've been wide.

"Mission Impossible." David answered instantly.

"Ooh, I like that. Or how about The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor?" Emma replied.

"Pirates of the Caribbean." Killian answered, a cheeky grin making its way across his face.

"Of course you'd say that." Emma quipped. "Of course."

"Are you capable of thinking of something other than pirates?" Regina snapped. "Oh no wait, who am I kidding?"

"What? It greatly interests me to find out if these so called pirates are as devilishly handsome as I am. After that atrocity you people call Captain Hook, I'd love to see if these others measure up to the one and only me."

"I don't know." Henry responded. "Captain Jack Sparrow is pretty cool."

"Well, of course. It's Johnny Depp, after all."

"I think that's the only reason Mom wanted to watch it." Henry said. "Because of Johnny Depp."

" _And_ because it's a good movie." Emma argued.

Killian looked mildly affronted. "Is this Captain Jack Sparrow as attractive as I am?"

"All that and more."

Regina wrinkled her nose. "Your choices are all subpar. I say we watch the Devil Wears Prada."

"Why?" Emma asked. "Because you're in it?"

"If by that you mean an elegant, well dressed lady, then yes."

"No, I was actually referring to the Cruella look alike. What?" She asked, upon noticing the strange look Mary Margaret gave her. "Just because I don't like chick flicks doesn't mean I've never seen it. What else am I supposed to do on boring nights?"

"I don't know," Regina drawled. "Clean up that mess you call a face?"

"At least I don't spend all my time plotting revenge."

"Call me when you have an argument that isn't so weak."

"What about The Notebook?" Belle suggested loudly as she studied the back of the DVD cover. "It looks wonderful."

"I like that." Mary Margaret said approvingly. "Or A Walk to Remember. It's a real classic."

"Oh for the love of God. No." David said, looking horrified. Emma had a similar expression and so did Henry.

"No girly movies." Henry insisted, and David and Killian nodded emphatically in agreement. "I vote for Tron: Legacy."

"Well then." Killian spoke up. "If everyone has a different opinion regarding this decision then what are we to do?"

"Uh oh." Emma said. "Mary Margaret has that look on her face."

"What look?" Mary Margaret asked.

"The 'I have another good idea look'. Creepy grin included."

"Well, I do. Have a great idea, I mean."

It turned out that her so called "great idea" consisted of ripping out a piece of paper and passing around pens.

"Everyone write down your movie choice on your scrap of paper." Mary Margaret instructed, going into what Emma and Henry referred to as her "teacher mode". She handed the hat to Emma. "And then place your paper into the hat."

"Do we have to?" David mock-whined.

Mary Margaret shot him a faux angry teacher expression. "Yes. It's the only way we can fairly choose."

"This is ridiculous." Regina said dryly. "I do not want to watch whatever movie the rest of you have come up with."

"Right back at ya." David agreed.

"Maybe, but it's fair." Mary Margaret insisted.

"Why don't we just rock paper scissors over it? Or flip a coin?"

"What is the meaning of this rock paper scissors?" Killian asked.

"You can always cheat on those." Mary Margaret said patiently. "But for this."

"Well, technically, we could." Henry pointed out. "All we'd have to do is place our choices in more than once."

"Enough." Mary Margaret clapped her hands loudly several times. "Now I don't want to hear another word until everyone has finished writing."

Emma fixed her with a mildly horrified look. "We're not children, you know."

"Wrong." Regina countered. " _I'm_ not a child. The rest of you, judging by the way you're acting, I'm not so sure."

Movie choices were begrudgingly scribbled down, and Emma stood up and slowly circled around the room to collect the slips of paper.

"I don't trust you Ms. Swan." Regina said prissily as she stood up and snatched the hat from Emma's grip. She carefully placed her slip of paper inside as if she was doing open heart surgery.

Emma held up her hand. "Calm down sir." She said, as if she was a security guard at the mall on Black Friday. "It's just a movie."

"Do not call me sir!" Regina hissed. "And it would be  _just a movie_  if the rest of you didn't select the most ridiculous movies known to mankind."

"Yes, because The Devil Wears Prada is such a good choice."

"Better than watching a group of mindless idiots blow each other to bits."

"Enough." Mary Margaret interjected. "Emma, did you collect everyone's papers?"

"Yes. Oh no wait. Gold didn't put one in."

Mary Margaret turned to the older gentleman. "Don't you have a movie you want to watch, Rumplestiltskin?"

"No, I do not." He responded quietly. "This is a frivolous and ridiculous waste of my time." Gold sneered, as if this was all beneath him. "The Dark One does not debate over which silly film to entertain myself with."

Regina rolled her eyes rather impressively. "I'll bet that you're only saying this because you don't know what you want."

"As a matter of fact, I do." He corrected. "But I will not be partaking in this affair."

"Don't be such a party pooper, Gold."

"No." He shook his head stubbornly.

"Fine, you do that." Emma responded. She shook the hat several times and turned to Henry. "Want to do the honors, kid?"

Henry reached into the hat and scrambled the pieces of paper around, his face scrunched up with concentration. Around him, everyone watched with bated breath. Well, everyone except Gold, who sat back in his seat and looked rather bored.

Finally, Henry pulled out a piece of paper and slowly unfolded it. "And the winner is…"


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"And the winner is…"

"The Devil Wears Prada!" Regina blurted.

"No, it's The Notebook." Belle insisted.

Regina shot her a tight lipped grin. "I think not."

"Yeah same here." David interjected. "I don't watch either of those."

"Well listen here-" Regina started, but Henry cut in.

He had an amused look on his face. "Are you guys going to keep arguing or are you going to let me tell you what it is?"

"Fine, fine." Regina waved a hand dismissively. "Go ahead. But it's my choice, right?"

"Um-"

"Please don't say it's that." Killian groused. "I'll take you sailing if you chose Pirates of the Caribbean."

"Really pirate?" Regina snapped. "Bribing my son? That's low, even for you."

"It's the Mummy!" Henry blurted before Killian could retort. "Congrats, Mom." He said, turning to Emma. "Sorry." He shrugged at everybody else. "Maybe next time?"

Emma had a smug grin on her face as she stood up to pop the DVD into the player. "Oh well. Great suggestion, Mom. The whole drawing names out of a hat? Genius."

"Well of course  _you're_ saying that, dearie." Gold spoke up. "You won."

"What's it you?" Regina snapped. "You didn't even have a choice."

He had an annoying little smirk on his face. "Don't go ragging on me. It's not my fault Ms. Swan's movie choice won."

Regina simply scoffed and turned away. "Let's just get this over with. Can we pick again after, Mary Margaret?"

"Of course." Came the reply.

"Good."

The movie slowly filtered onto the screen. While Regina sipped her coffee rather impatiently, Gold just looked bored; Mary Margaret and Belle had complacent expressions, obviously trying to make the best out of a movie that wasn't their type. But on the other hand, Emma, David, Killian, and Henry were completely enraptured as soon as the movie started.

"I don't get what your problem with this movie, is Regina." Killian commented as the Emperor slashed, fought, and murdered his way into dozens and dozens of kingdoms.

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"If I didn't know any better I'd say that I was watching you on screen." He replied. "You know, mass murder and all?"

Regina's expression grew furious, comically matching that of the Emperor's. "You have no idea what you're talking about. For one thing, I would  _never_ resort to beheadings. That's just so  _crass_. Not to mention messy."

"Right, right." Killian nodded. "Because pulling out hearts was any better."

"You know, I kind of agree with Regina." Emma spoke up. "Instead of using swords, why don't they just throw a couple sticks of dynamite and let them rip? That'd be much more cost efficient, not to mention all the time they'd save. I've watched this movie dozens of times and I've thought of that at least that many times."

"Because dynamite wasn't invented back then." Mary Margaret explained in her patient schoolteacher voice.

"And besides, Mom, it wouldn't have been as cool." Henry argued.

"If you want to kill lots of people, though, that's the way to go."

"Excuse me, Ms. Swan." Regina broke in icily. "But I do not appreciate you discussing the mechanics of violence with  _our_ son. And I have to disagree with you about dynamite.  _Magic_ is, as you say, the way to go."

"I agree." Gold said. "But it appears that they do not possess magic, hence they would have to resort to such garish measures."

"Looks like you're right." David said as the Emperor on screen started to learn how to control the Five Elements. "He's getting magic."

Mary Margaret frowned at the TV as the Emperor commanded his general to find the sorceress t who would unlock the secrets to immortality."Why, though?"

"Why what?"

"Why do all villains want to live forever?"

"So they continue to wreak havoc for a long, long time?" Emma suggested. "Why don't you ask Regina or Gold? I'm sure they'd be able to respond."

"Or how about your precious boyfriend?" Gold hissed. "As far as I remember he was as much a villain as myself or Regina."

"Hey!" Killian spoke up. "I take offense at that."

Mary Margaret ignored them. "But why, though?" She pressed on. "I mean, personally I wouldn't want to live forever even if it means being all powerful. It would get terribly  _lonely_."

David burst out laughing as the Emperor ordered his General to be executed. "Somehow I don't think he minds being lonely. Wasn't that guy like his best friend?"

"Not anymore. You don't kill your best friends. Well, at least normal, sane people don't." Emma quipped.

"E-nough." Regina clapped her hands twice, in a perfect imitation of Mary Margaret. "I don't like what you're insinuating, Ms. Swan, and you will stop this instant." She said, her voice quiet and clipped. To answer your question, Mary Margaret," She turned to Snow. "yes it does get lonely, and that is why I adopted Henry." She flashed Henry a smile, and Henry grinned back.

They watched the movie in a rare silence for a little while, nobody noticing that during their discussion over the loneliness of villains, Gold had unconsciously snuggled closer to Belle.

"Cool!" Henry burst out as the Emperor came back to life. "I didn't know this movie had zombies."

"Technically he's not a zombie." David corrected. "More like...an undead form of himself."

"So a zombie then."

"Don't bother." Emma said. "He's at that stage where he's obsessed with anything and everything zombie related."

As if to reaffirm her words, Henry nodded, his eyes wide and trained on the movie, as the Emperor's carriage weaved its way through the streets of China, narrowly avoiding capture by the O'Connell's.

"Now that's more like it." Emma said as she watched the O'Connell's prepare for battle with their machine guns. "Much more time efficient."

But across the room, Regina scoffed. "Have you not been paying attention? Oh, wait who am I kidding? It's you. Magic trumps guns, or rather  _everything_  all the time."

"Nope! Love does!" Mary Margaret spoke up eagerly.

Regina rolled her eyes. "That's beside the point." And she was proven correct, as the Emperor waved his hands and created a row of ice spikes. "See?!"

"Looks like someone's getting into the movie." Gold commented.

"Oh, shut it." Regina said harshly. "At least I'm not an uptight stick in the mud."

"Really, dearie? Do you want to go there?"

And then the temple was blown up by the dynamite that had been set up, causing an avalanche. The yeti raced over and positioned themselves over the O'Connell's seconds before the snow came racing down.

"You know, the yeti are kind of cute." Belle spoke up.

Everyone threw her strange looks. "Really? Cute?"

"Well, yeah." She defended herself, her cheeks coloring.

"You do know that they're snow monsters, right?"

" _Yes._ " She huffed.

"That's so you." Regina replied. "Thinking that the world consists of fluffy bunnies and rainbows. Well news flash, princess, not everything is as lovely as you imagine it to be." As if to reaffirm her point, she threw Emma a scathing glare.

"If I were you I'd shut my mouth right now, Regina." Gold warned, his hand tightening on his cane. "At least Belle is happy, which is a lot more than I can say for you."

Regina stood up, probably intending on either strangling Gold or stomping out of the room, but just then, on screen a dagger was thrown by the Emperor, nearly embedding itself into Alex's back, and she froze in place, distracted.

"Damn, um I meant wow, that was a really great throw." Emma said.

"It's not that hard." David replied. "All it takes is some practice."

"I suppose. But I still prefer my gun."

"Which is why you were a fish out of water." Mary Margaret pointed out rather unhelpfully. She turned to the rest of the room. "I remember when she accidentally lured an ogre with her gun."

"Hey, I was trying to save you." Emma retorted.

"From Aurora. Who's probably the least harmless of them all."

"Sounds like Ms. Swan." Regina butted in. "Careless as always."

"Well you know what? Next time you can just save yourself." Emma huffed, turning away from her mother.

"I did, actually. And you too." Mary Margaret said, causing a round of snickers to go around the room.

"Maybe you shouldn't have saved her life, Mary Margaret." Regina's voice oozed sarcasm as she butted in once again. "She doesn't seem very grateful."

"Regina, nobody asked you." Emma shot back.

"But everybody asks me." Regina replied, her eyes wide with fake innocence. She placed her hand on her heart and gasped dramatically as if she'd been terribly offended.

Emma responded with a very Regina-esque eye roll.

"But really though." Regina continued, blatantly ignoring the glares thrown her way as she interrupted the movie. "Always getting herself into trouble. Remember Neverland? Jumping into the water? My god, she's more irresponsible than Henry."

"Why don't you shut up and watch the movie, Regina?"

"Because I don't  _want_ to."

"Right, because it wasn't your choice." Gold interjected. "How terribly whiny of you."

"Hey, you have no right to talk to me in that manner. At least I chose a movie."

"Yes, practically the dumbest one of all."

"At least it's better than this one!"

"It's the one that Henry drew out of the hat, so all of you will stop this and watch the movie with a smile on your face or you won't watch it all." Mary Margaret spoke up, using her teacher voice.

Regina stood up immediately. "Fine then."

Gold followed suit, pulling Belle up with him. "Goodbye."

"Bye." Killian waved cheerily. "Hope you have a safe drive home. Or don't. Makes no difference to me."

"That's not what I meant!" Mary Margaret exclaimed. "I meant that everyone needs to stop arguing over silly things."

Gold leveled her with a stare that he normally used for the worst of enemies. "Or else what?"

"Yeah, or else what?" David echoed.

"Or else…" Mary Margaret sputtered. "Or else…"

"See, she has no leverage."

"Or else no cookies!"

"Oh no!" Regina gasped sarcastically. "How will we ever survive?"

**Author's Note:**

> Author's note: Hope you enjoyed so far! What's going to happen with everyone stuck together? Will they end up killing each other?


End file.
